Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
