the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
