They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
