He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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