Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
