We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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