He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
