at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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