I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
