Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
