Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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