Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Damn victory sex feels great
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
