You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
