OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
