i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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