He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
