apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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