Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
