Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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