wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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