This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
