i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
