you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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