This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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