So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
