i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
