morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
