I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
