Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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