what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
