Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
