Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
