I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
