Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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