Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
wow bdsm is so cute
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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