i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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