Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
