yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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