I want to make a zoo with you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
