"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
