Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
