I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
