it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
