I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
