I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
