I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
