Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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