Kiss
Puke
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
