My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
