Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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