He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
