dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
