It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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