I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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